Forgotten
by SophieOliveira
Summary: Bella and Jacob lived the perfect life until the dream turned into a nightmare. At least for Bella. This are her feelings, her secret, her new reality. She was simply forgotten. One-shot


**Disclaimer:** This is a work of simple fan fiction based on the story and characters created by Stephanie Meyer and the song Nicest Things by Kate Nash. Neither belong to me in any kind or form.

**Note:** As you will notice this story is after New Moon. Edward leaves and Bella finally starts seeing Jacob. Things are perfect... until they are not. I wasn't trying to follow the story strictly. This was just and idea I had when I was earing the song **Nicest Things by Kate Nash** and I challenged myself to write it.  
I'm sorry for possible spelling and grammar errors. This is my first time writing a story, writing fan fiction AND even my first time writing in English.

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I watched _them_ in the other side of the fire. We were having a bonfire in First Beach to congratulate the new imprint. I wanted to be happy, radiant. Like _him_. But I couldn't. I can't. I'll never be. I just wanted to see him one last time. To see it was worth it.

We weren't anything special. I thought we could be and I guess we were for a couple years but... Not anymore. Once again, my world was destroyed and, this time I just knew, just knew, deep down inside, that never again I would be complete. It would never be the same inside me.

Two heartbreaks, the ugly kind of heartbreaks was two times too much for a lifetime. He had fixed me and, for some time, I believed when he told me that we would be together forever. I believed that we were meant to be. That we were stronger than any magic in the world.

Guess I was wrong.

Our relationship changed dynamics in a second. Just a second. A goddam second. From one second to another we changed from living in a fairy tale world to me living in a nightmare and he living a dream.

Some people talk about existing 5 stages of grief. Well, I think this stages are continuously on a loop. A circle. A stupid circle that never ends. And the saddest part it's that it's only happening to me. He is involved in a blanket of love, possibilities and happiness. Me, not so much. He's always smiling, laughing, snuggling close to her. Me... I don't have no one. No one to make me forget, to make me feel loved, accepted, enough. I will never be enough.

"Hey" Leah tried to gain my attention. Guess misery doesn't like to hang alone because we became great friends again after that horrible night.

_It only took one look. One second._

I looked at her. She was anxious for me. I could see she was afraid I would break. Right in front of them. She was undecided if me being here was what I needed. I was too. It hurt too much but I had to be here. To be sure we would never be again. But she could understand. She went through the same with Sam and Emily.

"Hey." I tried to smile to reassure her but I grimaced instead.

"Are you ok?" _No. _We both knew that I wasn't but I wouldn't admit in front of all this people. While _he_ could hear. I still wasn't sure why the pack had invited me. I knew it wasn't to rub it in my face. In all honesty, they were all upset. Even Paul.

"Yeah," I whispered. I glanced at Jacob. Before all this, he would be instantly by my side trying to cheer me up. Now he didn't even acknowledge me. He just couldn't see anything afterwards that cloud of magic.

"Jared brought his guitar. Want to sing?"

Just thinking of singing reminded me of _him_. It was him that always tried to make me sing after he heard me the first time. He said I had a great voice. Soothing. Sweet. Kind. He would make me sing to him and he would stare at me with awe in his eyes. All the muscles on his face would soften and his mouth will curl in a slight smile. A proud one. Now that look was only for _her_. It was him that encouraged me when I started thinking of asking Jared to help me play. He was always there by my side giving me the strength to continue learning when I had difficulties.

"I... I don't know, Leah" I exhaled harshly. This was so fucking unreal. How could life change so much? I wish this was just a nightmare and I would wake up any second to Jacob kissing my nightmares away. I so wish I had him still. Everything was him. Everywhere I went I could see us, smell us and taste us. It was all tainted now. It was all memories and memories weren't enough. Not after having the real thing.

"I told the guys about that song you were singing the other night. It's really beautiful." She tried to cheer me up but it wasn't the same. No one would ever fill me with that feeling of courage like him. "Please, B." She whispered. "You always look happier when you sing." I knew I would never look the same singing, walking, talking, even sleeping. I would always live inside a black cloud.

"I could try, I guess." I heard me say. Guess my last words would be in form of a song. It was easier this way. I wouldn't have to look in his eyes lacking the love it was always there before. Even when we would fight over stupid things. Especially when we would make up.

"Great!"

She passed me the guitar and all eyes were on me. Including _them_. I breathed deeply looking to the sky to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. He didn't even notice. I was just another person in the world now. No one special. I would never be the reason he smiled and I would never feel his love again. I started playing the first cords and looked at Leah. I knew she could relate to me, to this song, to the singer.

_All I know is that you're so nice, you're the nicest thing I've seen.  
I wish that we could give it a go, see if we could be something._

This song was a little too much close to home. I could see little smiles of encouragement in the faces of the pack. I was grateful for them, really, I was. But this stupid feeling inside my chest wouldn't go away. The reality was just too painful. Knowing that they were dealing with me like I would crumble anytime. I knew I was. But I just wanted some kind of normalcy. Just something to hold on while everything else falls. Just for tonight. I don't want my last memories of them to be tainted too. I want Paul making fun of me, I want Sam and Emily's reassuring smile. I want Jared and Kim to turn off the world around them and not almost ignoring one another for my sake. I want Embry playful shoves and defending me from Quil's stupid jokes and nasty flirting. I want Jacob. I want him looking at me passionately with that teasing smile that does funny things to me because I know what awaits for me when we arrive home. We wouldn't arrive home most of the times.

_I wish I was your favorite girl, I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world_

I was struggling with the words of the song. Once upon a time, I was his favorite girl. And if things didn't change between us, maybe I wouldn't be the only girl of his life. Now, _she_ was. The one and only. Until _she_ gave him another little girl or boy to make his life complete. Nonetheless, she would always be. Until _his_ heart stops beating.

My heart was being squeezed. And it broke again when he looked at her and smiled. The same way he smiled at me. God, how I wish _I_ was at the receiving end. How I wish _I_ was in her shoes.

_I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile, I wish the way that I dress was your favorite kind of style_

He gave her his mega-watt smile when she reciprocated the smile to him. He used to smile like that to me when he was teasing me, when he would crack crude jokes so that I would make a disgusted face. He would smile like that to me when he arrived home and I was there, with a prepared meal and a question about his day. He said that it was his favorite part of leaving: arriving home to me.

It was the same smile he gave me when we talked about our future. Our perfect, imaginary, impossible future.

Tears where in my eyes again. Full force. I couldn't look anywhere but at them. I was so jealous, so envious, so sad. I was nothing like the person I used to be. If Edward leaving hurt me, he trading me for someone else was the nail in my coffin. It was like there wasn't enough oxygen in the world for me to breathe. It was like my body refused to function. Every part of me excluding my brain and my eyes. My brain was constantly reminding me of us. My eyes were permanently wet, missing him.

_I wish you couldn't figure me out but you'd always wanna know what I was about  
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset_

She was so beautiful. I would never believe I was beautiful again. Not without his eyes staring at me with a hunger that made my whole body tremble. Not without his hand caressing my cheeks when we were in a sweet and loving embrace. Not without his arm dropped around my shoulders when we were side by side. Not without his hugs. His warm and bear hugs. I could see why the spirits choose her. She was everything I couldn't ever be. If I thought he was crazy in love with me… He wasn't. Not like he is with her. And it tears me apart seeing it firsthand. How could I be so stupid to believe? How could I be so naive? So hopeful? So… me?

_I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met  
I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly 'cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see_

I knew he wouldn't forget the first time he saw her. He was right in front of me. I had just received him in our new house. The house he build for me that now was hers. I was excited to tell him the news. I had just prepared his favorite meal and I lighted candles in our bedroom because I knew he would make love to me after I told him. But she knocked on the door to ask for directions for Embry's house. She was a relative from the Makah tribe. And I saw it all. I saw the greatest love of my life evaporate in a heartbeat. I saw him flirting with her. Measuring her. Turned on for her. Loving her after just one look.

He didn't even acknowledge me. I was just by his side when he invited her inside our house, our home. I was just there. And he didn't even saw me. He didn't saw my eyes pleading with him to not do this to us. He didn't saw the way I hugged my belly. He just invited her to our house. He didn't saw me leaving but I sure as hell heard them talking and laughing. Guess I just made the bed and atmosphere for them. Literally.

He didn't even tried to apologize to me in the consequent days. He would never remember us again. The way we first met, the way we played when we were kids. The way we met when I arrived Forks to stay with Charlie. The way is eyes doubled size when I said that I wanted us. I wanted him. Above anything else.

He loved my body, my soul. And now he would love her body. He would protect her soul. He would give his life for her. Not me. Not our baby. The irrevocably proof of the love we shared.

_Basically, I wish that you loved me, I wish that you needed me, I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three_

I tear my eyes from them. Through all this time, they didn't even saw me. He didn't even asked me again what I wanted to tell him last week. I was here just to see him for the last time. I was here because this was his last time to care for me in any way he wanted. It was a mistake being here but I had to see with my own eyes that, at least, he was happy. I had to see that he would never care about me in any way. I never thought it would hurt so much.

_I wish that without me your heart would break. Yeah, I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.  
I wish that without me you couldn't eat. Yeah, I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep._

I couldn't take it anymore. God, this was just too much. Just too fucking much. My tears started to spill from my eyes and splashing on the guitar and in my hands. My voice was starting to break. My chest was squeezed so painfully that it was hard to breathe. I had to concentrate on my hands so they wouldn't tremble while I played. Not that he would notice. He would never notice me again. I just had to finish this song. I needed this. This were my last words for him, even if for him, this meant nothing. Last chance.

_Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen and I wish we could see if we could be something. Yeah, I wish we could see if we could be something._

I finished the song almost whispering and gave the guitar to Leah. Cleaning my cheeks I tried to give the pack a reassuring smile but it was worthless. I got up from the log I was seated and I turned to go away but a hand stopped me. A warm hand. A hand I knew like my own hands. A hand that had did so many beautiful things to me. A hand that I would never feel caressing my growing stomach.

"I'm sorry Bella."

His voice was different. It was lacking the love he had for me. No more "honey", no more "Bells". The spirits destroyed my life, my future.

And I knew exactly what that sorry meant. It wasn't a way to care. It was a way to say that we would never be, in any form. It was a sorry for knowing that he wouldn't share any amount of feelings for me with her in his heart. It was the ultimate slap. If he stabbed me in my heart while looking into my eyes, it would hurt so much. At least that way he would feel something for me. He would care enough to end my pain.

I nodded, responding silently and he let go. I heard him sitting next to her again, kissing her, laughing at something she said. I tried to breathe deeply but a sob escaped instead. Some guys from the pack got up to came to me but I raised my hand stopping them.

"Sorry guys. I have to go." I looked in the eyes of each of them. "Goodbye."

They all understood that this wasn't a see you later kind of goodbye. No. This was a permanent one. I would never come back. I couldn't measure the thought of seeing _them_ every day. Of knowing _they_ got married and seeing _their_ children running around while mine was devastated for not having his father's love. I just couldn't face _them_ living my fairy tale life. I just needed one little push to kill even the smallest molecule of hope in my body. Now, there was nothing.

I would never be the same carefree Bella I was for the last couple of years. I would never give my heart because I simply didn't have one to give. The one thing stopping me from doing something stupid, the one thing that gave me just a little kind of hope but crushed me at the same time was my little baby. The major and life changing thing I had to tell him and he totally forgot or ignored. Either way, he would never know.

I put a hand in my body, just under my belly button and gave a light caress. Leah's eyes were shocked. She just connected all the dots now. I gave her a little nod and she tried to plead with me with her eyes but the tears started falling even quicker from mine. Staying wasn't an option. Not after this.

After memorizing each face I ran. I ran for my truck and for my future. My body is free as he'll ever be. My soul is forever chained to La Push, to the little house by the sea and to a person who doesn't want me anymore.

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**Tell me what you think :)**


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